(My Sunglasses Were Burger King)


She was lesbian Wicca
My sunglasses were Burger King
This would pose a challenge
To our church retreat fling.

Our plan was to convert
This witch Baptist
Mine was to baptize her
So we could have a trust.


My tastes run to girls, too
And Christian evangelism
But it was my sense of fashion
That caused a major schism.

She mixed me up a potion
That smelled of formaldehyde
So from the sun's blinding rays
I'd no longer need to hide.


Breaking my addiction
To Burger King design
Required all of Saturday
Leaving precious little time.

To work my own magic
A deviously sly trick
To break her sad addiction
To Sisters of the Wick.


Sunday would be our big day
For converting the heathens
By dunking them in water
We'd pave their way to Heaven.

When came my witch's turn
To bathe in holy water
It took the entire church
To hold her body under.

She screamed to Holy Jesus!
Swallowed by fire and brimstone
I found myself much aroused
As the Devil took her home.


I think of her quite often
As I'm staring at the sun
Where would my life be
Without her magic potion?

© 2000 by Michael J. Farrand

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