There once was a time I thought I had knocked
This living the life star-spangled
But there was an item hopelessly blocked
Just one thing that I could not wangle.

The minor issue of finding a chick
One who's not way too new-fangled
All of my angling had yet turned the trick
In this land where Nature gets mangled.

Each and every American girl
With whom I've been entangled
Maintained an air of Queen of the World
In spite of the charms that I dangled.

I knew that with a mail-order bride
Big Yankee dollars I'd jangle
But then, for sure, with one year stateside
She'd go completely star-spangled.

The chance remained for monastic vows
To hear church bells hourly jangled
Losing my life in devotional bows
My manhood an appendage that dangled.

Instead God sent me a masterful angler
From a land where everything's wangled
He knew that just a world-class wrangler
My love life could have untangled.

Lured to America by Hollywood flicks
That fueled his own dreams star-spangled
It took him but one round with our chicks
To realize how sadly they're mangled.

'They'd never act this way in Italy!'
He cried, aghast at these women new-fangled
'If they behaved with such importunity
They would by their mothers be strangled!'

That's when he spied tame pastel-frocked lasses
Singing with brass bells a-jangle
How better they seemed then that which passes
For women in outfits star-spangled.

Without heading home he returned to his roots
That of a masterful wangler
To find himself a suitable toots
He'd re-emerge as an Old World angler.

'Like foxes set loose in glorious henhouse
With such angels we must entangle
The only way to snag a real spouse
Is to work The Mennonite Angle!'
© 2002 by Michael J. Farrand

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