THE DAY GOD INVENTED BLUEGRASS
It was a day much like any other day|
The day God invented Bluegrass
Except that He was in a bit of a mood
Having listened to so much Jazz.
Those mountain boys are gonna need music, too!|
He proclaimed with a little sigh
When He gets like this there isn't much I can do
When He says Jump! I say How high?
He's been turning to me ever since that day|
That He wrote 'Ave Maria'
I was the one who gave it to Shubert
Now the World sings its hosannah.
We both know He can't turn to Gabriel|
He's just such a jerk anymore
Ever since he tangled with that bad boy Lucifer
All he speaks of is Holy War.
Against such Evil I preach non-resistance|
Before such swine I say to cast pearls
I much prefer peace, love, and harmony
To bringing such misery to the world.
That's how I became God's go-to archangel|
For His pet musical projects
But this time we had to pick a phenom
From pretty pitiful prospects.
We had this kid down in Mississippi|
The one with a cleft in his lip
For him to introduce Bluegrass would require
Surgically removing his hip.
The Alabama guy was never sober|
But we just had too much to lose
Better to save him for a style of music
Where the songs were all about booze.
We were stuck with this bore from Kentucky|
Logic said that he had to be white
History shows black men create the best music
How to make them all see the light?
I could foresee a dim future for Bluegrass|
Practiced largely in the hollers
Would the weed-smokin' festival dudes
Spend enough of their dollars?
Would they be like those Sixties love-in affairs|
For the crunchy Birkenstock crowd
Once the hippies got ahold to this music
Would anyone else be allowed?
I saw that we needed a phenomenon|
Like the guy with that loose pelvis
But given our target audience I knew
He needn't be quite so outrageous.
About time I invented that bluegrass!|
God thundered at me way too loud
As I feverishly rushed to his office
I tripped and fell into a cloud.
I was struck by Divine Inspiration|
Climbing out of all that white stuff
If we got a black man on the banjo
That should liven things up enough!
Of course I let God think it His idea|
Taking credit is such a bore
Let's get a black man in on this thing! He boomed
That should get them shouting for more.
I called down to the personnel department|
And ordered up some of that charisma
Talent plus good looks were a requirement
But, go easy on the rhumba!
They promised a return to the drawing board|
They'd have to retool the factory
They assured me the guy they were conceiving
Would be the craze of the new century.
That's when those boys really got down to business|
They sure outdid themselves this time
They put Elvis, Hank, and Bill Monroe to shame
You're so good you could be a crime.
With all the charm of a fallen angel|
Without having taken the fall
The musical genius of Africa
Behind Black Irish eyes that enthrall.
So when you see me at your musical gigs|
Swirling like some Heavenly mass
Kick ass so that you'll exonerate me for
The day God invented Bluegrass.