HANGOVER CURE
The sun streams in
It beats my head
It's three in the afternoon
The bed springs squeak
With each heartbeat
They sing a rusty tune.
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The mirror says
My eyes are black
My chin stopped something, too
My head booms like
A cymbal crash
I know just what to do.
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I don my robe
My baseball cap
I light my Tiparillo™
I must find out
What I did last night
My brain shakes just like Jello™.
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BRIDGE
How could I miss
The hangover cure
I left on the stand
Vitamin B
A glass of juice
And a bottle of aspirin.
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CHORUS
But that's the thing
With hangover cures
Though you leave them on the table
Crashing home drunk
You can't be sure
To remember you'll be able.
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You may be
Completely pissed
So three sheets to the wind
You pass right by
Oblivious to
Your chance to wake at ten.
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I stumble down
The kitchen stairs
I hear my friends below
They tell me things
I don't believe
But first, where is my car?
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What if I
Hit someone
Or killed somebody who
I didn't see
And don't remember
So they send me to prison, too?
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Thank God I found it
In the garage
There's no blood on the bumper
Just how I closed
That carriage door
That's the real stumper.
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It's so big
So oversized
I couldn't close it when I'm sober
That must explain
This piece of wood
This nasty one-inch sliver.
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He tells me, too
My Irish friend
He had to coldcock me
I'd lost my key
He came to help
So I punched him, yesiree!
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Having learned
What I did last night
Under the influence of alcohol
I realized my
Head still hurt
My skin was starting to crawl.
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So I reached for
The only cure
The only cure I could remember
An ice-cold beer
In the bottom drawer
Of an otherwise empty 'frigerator.
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